Posts from the “Chatter” Category

Chance encounter in my usual cafe, when I’m having a full slobby pre-gym day, reading a novel trashy fantasy.

Dating elephants, living in Ipoh, parenting and pets.

“I’m done consuming violence in art”

Discussions on feminists and artists, holding a space vs holding an audience. Not everyone knows how to do the former. Performers are very in tune with an audience’s energy level, but they have a script that tells them what to do with the energy.

We should do a festival together.

At the end of the festival, we’d just be two dry skeletons, asking each other “what is a festival? What is a stage? What is an audience?”

I have more to consider now vis a vis violence in art, which would totally ruin the fantasy novel I’m reading.

  • Well that sculpture looks…clitoral
  • I was waiting for that
  • This is like entrapment. Seat me here and then “hey Lainie look at that”
  • That would be too obvious
  • It’s squirting 🤭

I take a few hours for myself today, and my mother is sending all-day messages about how she only has paid caretakers to cry to, asking why she must suffer, and can we just kill her. Of course, to an audience.

These hours are for work, which is thinly the only reason she recognises for me to not be by her bedside crying with her these days, but I refuse to continue this trajectory where I only have one valid reason to my own time.

the devil’s work

  • Me: (which demon’s anus did burpees come from?) 💀
  • PT: Burpees were developed by the US military, yeah…

Mark says I shouldn’t think about it. Don’t overthink, just let my body flow and find its way (which became a surefire way to make me think real hard about not thinking too hard).

Changed my pre-gym meal today and rly felt the difference, but still managed to finish on time.

Left the nursing home angry. Two hours of my time counts for nothing.

  • You can be five minutes late
  • I am already very much more late than that
  • Aiyah whatever.

Oh. I see. Oh. I see.

Oh we are going to have the talk again, and everyone can hear it when we do. I don’t give a f.

Too much dinner at Bella’s birthday dinner. Left the menu to her and it escalated. Christ I can’t move.

  • m: my face very membuka selera is it
  • B: you influenced me, Lainie…you’re such an influencer.
  • m: that is the worst thing anyone has said to me this year.

I think the new smoking ban in Malaysia will help with our obesity problems because it is difficult to keep eating if you can’t have a smoke break.

  • me: Is “potential Trump nudes” really the energy you want to channel in 2019, Yas?
  • also me: …..I bet trump was choking himself with something weird while jacking off.

Finally writing what I’ve been carrying. I didn’t expect the tears to return, but they did. God, I am usually a beast of burden, but there has been so much to carry this year.

I wasn’t expecting to be so sad today. I am an impulsive creature sometimes.

  • m: It’s ok if you kenot layan. I’m just being hiao!
  • p: if you were a man, do you see how this would be a problematic conversation
  • m: I’m sorry! Also I’m not being hiao with you specifically!
  • p: again, if you were a man…

I die. Just take my head and hang it above your door.

  • p: oh shit I’m turning into Lainie Yeoh
  • m: ?
  • p: I’m forgetting stuff
  • m: 😀
  • m: ☠️

you can’t kill me there’ll be less cuteness in the world

  • I would find her attractive but I have a hurdle.
  • Your sexuality?
  • What has my straightness ever done for me?
  • 🤭🤷🏻‍♂️

guess I’ve lost a friend and mentor today.

srsly, how does the untangling even begin? Do I return your house keys? Transfer your domains to another owner? Leave the admin posts on your social media?

Those are the tangibles. The mess is elsewhere, internal.

I am 100% uncoordinated.

  • Nish: Omg you’re like a puppy still learning to walk. God put all your mana in your brains ah
  • Me: god only gave me mana for brains and boobs, and then sent me out there.

Watched Venus in Fur. Tripped walking up the stairs because didn’t have the skills to make my feet repeatedly climb the same height of steps. Bruised both legs.

I’m crying

  • Me: She likes to have her butt patted
  • Visitor: *immediately* Don’t we all.

No one has ever responded like that before.


No need lah

  • Puspa: Nak tengok Orient Express?
  • Me: Jom
  • Puspa: Johnny Depp kan?
  • Me: Oh. Then cannot.

Ammar always laughs at the men I dislike.


Handling my friend’s Zoloft pills

  • Me: This looks deleeecious
  • Friend: *grabs* No no no no this won’t get you high
  • Me: Areyusure howyuno
  • Friend: Yes.
  • Me: GDI.
  • Friend: It’s my Xanax pills you want
  • Me: 😀
  • Friend: Also no.
  • Me: 😔

I mean, it’s unethical to rob friends of their medication, right?

Chicken chop burger, Beef avocado burger

A few days ago, in conjunction with IWD, I celebrated my womanhood by having a burger festival. Burger for lunch, burger for dinner, in the company of friends.

Over dinner, my friend Nina started a story, and because she is Malaysian, she included the food she was eating into the general description of events, even though it had no bearing whatsoever on the story.

  • Nina: So I was eating this nasi lemak…
  • Lainie: Wait. Was the nasi lemak delicious?
  • Nina: Yeah! It was delicious.
  • Lainie: Sorry. I just interrupted your story to check if the food you were eating when it happened was delicious. Am I being Malaysian?
  • Nina: Yes, and like a good Malaysian, I responded.

Was it a sandwich? A nasi lemak? I don’t rightly recall. What was the rest of the conversation about? I don’t remember the details not because I’m a Malaysian, but because I’m a bad friend. Even the moments of self-awareness, where I stop myself to wonder why I have to know the quality of this non-essential food, are rare.

But I do remember that we talked about food, because that is a crucial part of being Malaysian.

Then we talked about how it’s so strange to learn that people from other countries don’t talk about food all the time. Like, isn’t it natural to discuss over lunch what you will have for dinner? Or to discuss over dinner where our next dinner will be? To eat food we like, and to talk about both our meal and other foods we like? And if the food is far away, how we will travel together and be rewarded at the destination?

By the way, I love the chicken chop burger in Gasing 123 cafe on Jalan Gasing.

No climbing

Over a late lunch, Jac tries to convince me and Yasmin to take up rock climbing, as she is inspired by beautiful caves in Vietnam with rock (stalagmite?) formations that cannot be found elsewhere on earth.

Apparently, one can easily access these unique formations with basic rock climbing skills (which I will argue means it’s not easy to access).

  • Yasmin: My philosophy with nature is I appreciate it from afar.
  • Lainie: That’s my philosophy with sports.

I don’t think Yasmin and I will be rock climbing with Jac any time soon.