Sigh. Work. I lack clarity, so does management, and the grounds are shifting.
Badly needed rest in the past (true). Now: Reap the rewards. Do not jump the gun. (Feels less true). In the future, take alone time. (😀)
MT wants to remove the publication I edit, and have me focus on social media instead (but also pay me less).
Part of it is the lack of updates in May, when they did two whole festivals. One with a week’s notice. I was working every day of that month, without breaks, but they point at the gaps and ask why those were not filled. Because your time management is not suited for the type of comms work you want done 😐. Honestly I thought pooping up a festival in two weeks was crazy back in KS. I could laugh now.
Still, if I am now allowed to hit the points I want to with CM, maybe I should focus on their social media instead. I could affect change there too, if we stop working in greenwashing projects.
I know my friends get frustrated with my work conditions when I start receiving job alerts from them. The last one sent to me is a whole RM6K higher than my current pay. It’s more responsibility, but less work. Only one platform. I qualify in every way except for the FB BP cert 🙄. I’ve been working professionally for years before that cert existed.
God, watching that cert evolve from the laughable docu it was that didn’t teach managers anything we didn’t already know, to seeing how it’s in some job requirements.
I could develop that course 😑. I have done versions 😑. Fine maybe not the IG commerce side. Ugh I can’t believe I’m genuinely considering enrolling just for the qualification, my eyes nearly rolled out of my head the last time I saw the programme. I’m so annoyed.
Well. What am I going on about. It’s not like I want another job for now. I still want to work in an organisation that works with community and arts. Let’s see how this lasts. I think I’m just reacting cause of the occasional pings.
I wish job wouldn’t have that talk with me just as I and NJ had our talk. I feel so heavy for work.
Am I tying my self worth to my pay check? I think that bugs me because of my responsibilities, so hopefully not. But it does but me that my labour is not recognised. God. I don’t think anyone has any idea.
I’m measurably ahead of industry standards. I submitted that report, and pointed out the comparisons. But I think they don’t understand that the results are significant. Maybe they think this is a regular amount of overachieving or something. 🤔 possible. I do feel kind of crushed.
On the other hand they definitely appreciate the quality of work (if not the quantity of results 😖) and want to continue my contract. 😖
I can’t believe right as I pick up steam and line up all my ducks, the rug is pulled out from under me. Free content. Free translation. I finally have that in my hands and they want to close down the publication.
Maybe I should apply for that FB job as a backup 😐
I almost feel like I should look at it as, hey, if I had a girlfriend now, I’d be too busy to treat her well because I’m dealing with work bullshit!
But maybe if we were dating, it would just be easier to deal with work bullshit.
I don’t want to ignore my feelings, but I also do not wish to indulge. Am I a cursed centrist in breakups? 💀. I just want to be able to recognise which of what I’m feeling should be resolved because it’s within my reach and responsibility.
Double rejection in a week is still pretty harsh though. It’s difficult not to feel like they both like me, just not enough for to reciprocate. But I know which part of the brain that comes from.
At the very least, I should trust NJ when she says she’s not ready, and not think about how this might look if she were.