Archive for March, 2019


Had to choose between getting my mattress cleaned on Saturday, or only on Thursday, a few days after I returned. Wouldn’t have changed road trip plans, so cat pee mattress for several days it is then πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’.

Jr wanted to leave after midnight but I convinced her to be more reasonable. Took Jr on an early morning drive towards Ipoh, and headed to my usual pork noodles in Ipoh Garden. Headed home and aired out a room, gained some allergies. Skin so sensitive to dust and heat now.

Drove to Penang to meet Taiwan and Q next to a ghost museum. Went to a wet market to buy ingredients for hot pot.

I liked the vibe in the market. Busy, practical, efficient. Bought so many vegetables, Jr and I were amused. From there it was a short drive to Q’s home. Felt like I could easily imagine a life like this in Penang. Cheap coffee, crunchy yam. It is a satisfying ephemeral.

Taiwan was very restless about our check in, so brought her to the Airbnb first so she could briefly meet our hosts — tbh they didn’t seem very keen on meeting us.

Came back to Q’s place and they had set up the broth for steamboat. Q is very playful, it makes me want to 😈. Went out to buy milk for Q and beer for Taiwan. Taiwan didn’t want to cross the big road but that was where the fresh milk is sold. Saw some of the night market there which was nice. Felt hyperlocal. The temperature of a night cooling down from a day that’s been too hot, filling up with a different heat.

Met Q’s partner LC. Quickly could tell who required more immediate management. So much food. Got my bittergourd and tofu. LC has had so much uptight fear-driven problems with swimming, but I think she just needs a month with Jr to help sort her out. Invited her to come to KL for lessons and maybe we can makan together after. I really liked Q’s place. Happy.

Jr climbed on me at the hotel which was RLY weird because that is another body I don’t need to know anything about. Couldn’t stop laughing though. I really thought the girls put her up to it. There was a strange vibe from her.

Thought we’d stay up late more but I think the drive to Penang tired us out.

I am half of two brothers on a framed photo. It is a recreation of a famous one from when we were children in a war torn locatopn(?) and were very poor. The photo turned our fortunes around. We could be chefs or became chefs.

The book publishing house that commissioned the original photo were the ones who organised this commemorative shoot.

Loud crash woke me.

I am so quietly excited about the road trip tomorrow. I have no idea what it’ll be like but 🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻 quality time.

Staying down the road from the mosque with PJ’s angriest bilal.

Met Yas for dinner and told her everything I learned about penises recently. By the time I told her about the seam and that they get hard by mere examination and explode upon touch she was quite done.

She was probably done when I started to broach the topic.

Spent the rest of dinner discussing the non-cis penises we were willing to consider vs how unanimously undesirable cishet penis sounds. Jfc even the women who like them seem to know it’s an inferior product.

Devised a warning video for lesbians to listen to when they’re about to go on a roadtrip with women who want to talk about penises. Strong language ahead πŸ˜‚

Gym and work and PMS and running the dog through his walk before the thunderstorm. Not a pretty combination today. I am so physically drained I’ve only been thinking of work as opposed to actually doing it.

Told mom I couldn’t promise what she wanted but send a list and I’ll see what I can do, and that sent her on a spiral about wanting to die and having to beg people for things and why would I travel over Qing Ming anyway (not that it was an issue when it was about her errands).

Part of why I’m tired is the emotional drainage one woman can accomplish. There should be a “mute 24 hours” option on whatsapp.

So annoying πŸ˜€

Trying to order lunch:

  • I’d like the duck and pork noodles please
  • We are out of pork
  • Then duck and chicken noodles please
  • You cannot mix duck and chicken. Can mix duck and pork only.
  • But you don’t have pork.
  • Then you can have duck or chicken.
  • Ok, thank you. Bye.

I’ll be remembering this Penang trip and the first siege. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚

So much mischief even I was caught off guard.

I have learned that despite accusing J and of being dense and laughing at her, I share similar qualities. Why must it always be like this?

It’s also made me πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ over some of the past.

  • I thought I was missing the 1–3, not up until 10.
  • What do you think this face is saying?
  • β€œI really like kaya”

Taiwan thinks all we have to do is I look out for J, and J looks out for me. We might be more intuitive then. Not sure who is getting the shorter end of the stick here. Maybe that’s the point.

Reiki seems interesting.

I think I have a past life connection with this girl. YT concurs.

Every time I walk Jabber, I send J reports of his poo.

Satu Penang

So relieved to exit the hospital. Landed the nurse right into a sex positive cafe session that I don’t think she will be prepared for in this lifetime.

Road trip with friends. Last minute plans to drive Taiwan down to Penang, and decided to ajak Singapore along. 9 tak jadi join. So different from the last one with J and JJ.

Drove down to Ipoh for a dinner far bigger than our stomachs. I forgot the restaurant has big dishes, and I didn’t anticipate how little Singapore eats. Taiwan really liked the asam fish, which she single handedly cleared quite impressively. I was pretty much left alone with the claypot full of meat. Aku dah insaf. Cannot.

Got to a beautiful Penang homestay. Took the smaller bed but when I returned Taiwan occupying it. Tried checking with her if she was okay, thought maybe she had problems with Singapore while I showered. Or she had actually wanted my bed and didn’t say? Lifted the blanket to check on her and her eyes were so full of mischief.

Didn’t want to wake Singapore so decided to just quietly take Taiwan’s spot next to her instead. I wanted my own bed which I had already identified and saw as mine, so wasn’t entirely comfortable. Didn’t know what was going on. Was about to fall asleep when I heard noises and opened my eyes to a rush of glee.

Taiwan had plotted with Singapore to prank me. Was hilarious and also so fucking awkward. Taiwan dalang disebalik semuanya, giving out directions — I had no idea her setan is such a big streak. Kena the girls plotting every night after I shower.

I’m still not sure how to process what hit me, which means I can at least admire how brilliant it was. I can’t even begin to think of how to kena her back yet.

Went to Chew Jetty and a few other food places. Would have loved to do the blue mansion but tours were booked out. Singapore took us to the spot where she last was caught by the police. Talked about J a lot, I guess she is a common thread.

Managed to make a trip to Canteen for some live music, which made me happy. Didn’t get to stay for the song I wanted because SG is sick so didn’t want her condition to get worse. Our scribbling turned into a speed contest. I should go get that framed up.

Ate kueh and peranakan food. Tried to ask Taiwan to do Cantonese words but she saw it as being told what to do and refused. Nampak tanduk πŸ˜‚. SG showed me the IPA chart. I should learn up on that.

Qing Ming crowd I didn’t know would be here. This journey ended up taking more hours than it should have. Taiwan thinks my hometown is heaps away from KL.

Played the car plate road game back to KL. SG was very competitive about it. Makan was our first stop again. Met Al and 9 in a Japanese restaurant. I think they were a bit concerned for my experience in Penang when SG told them about it.

I want to get out of here.

I want to get out of here.

I want to get out of here.

There are other places I want to be.

I dread my return next month so much.

Your actions do not reflect your language. But I wish you every success in having them match one day.

May you discover that warmth, and not as a means.


Once a week gym is better than none. My stamina and glucose took a beating, but not my muscles it seems.

Exercising in the morning is difficult, but it disrupts the day less. I don’t know how Taiwan finds the energy to do it so early.

He asked me what I’ve been eating in the hospital area this week and I didn’t even want to tell him. It’s so bad here.

Discussed previous sexual encounters, and how women and men differ. “Free sex” πŸ‘€

Met up with Taiwan after, patted cats, and played with Bear Bear. She helped me collect shampoo which was such a relief to use. Finally, the correct product on my head.

Tried to nap because I was so fucking beat, but I couldn’t. Tido tak lena. Also πŸ‘€.

Porridge. Porridge makes us both happy. Went to a shop that sells imported nonsense. Bought Malaysian chocolate. Does that mean they don’t usually distribute locally?

Made spiced coffee to ameliorate my grogginess. Was supposed to meet YT, but we ended up faffing around so much it didn’t happen. Read art books together. πŸ’•

Picked YT up for dinner. Missed 9 because didn’t know she was next door. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ. She was quite peeved for a while. But YT has a lot to process so I don’t think she has the mental space.

Jr came much later. Happy to eat at YSH but maybe we should try more tai chows closer to home.

Talked about her dating history and all I see is a long line of being subject to extreme toxicity. Held her hand. Was worried I shouldn’t at all.

Jr wanted to bring us to Enigma after but I majorly nixed it. Went to my secret spot in Bangsar instead. Gin and tonic.

It was unusual to talk so much about romance and sexuality today. Was asked about my romantic actions and had to run everything by a Halal Memory filter first. Perils of a closeted dating life.

Still, now I know more about 9’s cutest love life and I love it. It is strange to open up to possibility of dating again after so long.

Gdi every time we meet I risk picking up something that’ll cling to me. I’m not sure about sharing a room at all

What if my fear and awkwardness can be measured by the speed I leave her room.

She asked if I could finally see her fire 😳


Rising mirth, stifled giggles. Sneaking into YT’s place for Momo but she set off the security alarm. Not stealth at all.

I was standing in front. Turned around to see the others had the common sense to crouch, hide. I had just been waiting for the house owner to come down and see me.

Taiwan laughed so hard she doubled over. If that whole thing was set up it would have been fucking brilliant.

YT was very apologetic and asked if we wanted to stay anyway. πŸ€«πŸ˜‚

Taiwan slapped face cream on herself but isn’t sure if slapping actually makes it effective.

Was so out of it. She asked a big question about being mean without reason. The mind is rational, it can always find a reason, or create one.

I realised I had to zoom back to much much younger days, before homophobes took up the quota.

Woke up at 3am surrounded by heat and awareness. Gdi YT.


The guard gave me grief like a spiteful sport this morning (As he has, sporadically this month), but was worn out by evening.

I drove up, wound down the window and looked at him, chin in hand. Already bored at what is to come.

He didn’t pretend that he didn’t know who I was, or where I was going, or that he couldn’t find my details in the guard book, or my access permission in their records.

He didn’t “misunderstand” or “mishear” my visitor card number for a house address, or vice versa. He didn’t make me park to the back while he pretends to figure it out for over 20 minutes.

He wordlessly handed me a visitor’s card. His favourite weapons of bureaucracy, authority and protocol are beyond him tonight. Maybe we’re both feeling dead inside. I just stared at him, took the card, and drove off.

He’ll probably rediscover his joy for belligerence the next day. At least I leave this area in a few days. He might be stuck with his miserable personality for life.

1. Seven Wands

2. Seven Cups

3. Seven Pentacles

My nenek cards want a choice. What on Earth is happening tomorrow? My intuition has received some signals, but Mars Retrograde.

Neuromed asks if it’ll be a problem. Of course it will be, but we will still have to see it through. Kan?

I’m so looking forward to a gym session tmr. And maybe some gratitude journaling.

Deplatforming nazis? Sign me up!

A hot sun

Headed to the police station today. This government is unjust. The persecution has to stop.

The last time I was at a police station, protesting in solidarity, it was under BN’s administration. The detainees had been so badly mistreated, their stories full of dehumanising experiences.

Now the threat looms just as close. I will remember this.

The last time I was here, I held an anarchist’s hands and wept with her. Today it was full of laughter and friends on high alert.

Laughed about our intelligent tudung, flapping slowly to the unsuspecting muslimah to wrap themselves around their free hair. Like sentient stingrays of textile oppression.

Liy taught me some of her head rub techniques but Nz and I ended up being distracted by her weird description of the two bumps on your head.

When they came out, I was relieved. Ended up driving Ang to the next location. Didn’t join the events, but got to speak more with YT and Shf.

“I didn’t know sex could be emotional” πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Talked about sex in oppressive, patriarchal spaces. YT’s country must be incredibly rimas. Just like the bullying that begins online and starts creeping in to private physical spaces. Just rimas. Bought Shf some Nips for a lark.

Laptop cafe date with Taiwan after, minus my laptop or anything. Got little bit lectured because I coughed so much. Full of fun and distractions, manga (Ranma, Yu Yu, Slamdunk) and a whiskey back home. Horoscopes. My water, her fire(?). She looked away when I mentioned my rising sign πŸ€” but I don’t know anything about its traits. Read more comics while she had a meeting. Talked about her UI design.

Had a massive allergy attack. Shared oishinbo comics with her. Held up the faces of the women she fancies, side by side, like clones. She was eaten alive by mosquitoes.

The cats were being so demanding and entitled and bossy. πŸ™„. Grey just wanted her butt petted all the time.

Jealous lesbians are always…………tiring. Makes me want to confront things head on, but maybe it’s too much aggression.


Quite shy about it.

Ah. The haze is back. No wonder I’m coughing and have massive allergies.

I guess I can now resume my petty sniping about the Transboundary Haze Agreement since we have this new

I can’t believe Taiwan actually convinced me to put down the ciggies some tomorrow, when it’s going to be such a difficult day.