A slow day, a heavy hangover. Ground some coffee for breakfast and felt every bean being pulverised in my head as I churned the crank.

Left the house and my room in a state. My mind keeps returning my body to the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. Tidying up the messes. Cleaning dishes. Putting my clothes in the machine. Sweeping the floor. Moving the cats with my activity.

Three joss sticks before a goddess. May this be in good health.

Every time I see a mirror I’m so glad the rambutan is gone.

  • Beef soup, paid noodles, blood pressure, happy cats. Tiny arm. Holding a Greek fridge magnet. Released a tame salad and an aggressive plant.
  • A welcome start to a long day that couldn’t end there.
  • My tongue ring loosened, came off. Kept it aside for a day to feel the strange nakedness. If I forget this, today is the last day of my piercing.
  • A faltering return to cryptic crosswords. A most suitable activity by her bedside.

    Learned: titivate (groom)

    My eyes. Why is this so ugly.

    PX is in town. Turned down the invite, am many kilometres away tonight, in a different world.

    Let’s not talk about who we know. Let’s keep our shared circles a mystery. But the connections between us keep slipping out, revealing themselves in our interests. Now her people are my people.

    A telegram comes through.

    I don’t know her, actually. I only know the older sister.

    She was already crying when I arrived.

    There were no surprises at the hospital today, because the magnitude of belligerent incompetence, while unacceptable, ceases to be surprising.

    There was fear, pain, mismanagement. My mother’s mind is breaking. Dulled from the routine of a home where all is done for her, to a hospital where the necessary constant vigilance wears her down.

    I had wished for my period to come a few days before. I think the stress of wanting something delayed it. For days I spotted, and spotted, and the moment I walked into the hospital, it came all at once. Even my body is a stubborn creature.

    I stare at the sign on the counter, the one that warns against abusing the hospital staff, verbally or otherwise. I don’t think there’s one on the other side of the glass panel, reminding those bored faces of their duty of care. She tells me all I’ve done is wrong, but does not acknowledge these as instructions from her own colleagues. The only conversation she’s willing to have, is the one where I know I’ve inconvenienced her. I remember these people’s faces.

    Our private caregiver is a physiotherapist. Overqualified and underperforming for the labour. Keeps calling me through WhatsApp videos and crawling data.

    Not even sure if my job application was received. It is what it is. Terserah.

    The lovers, the sixes (pcw), the wheel, 8w, As. The intensity of new beginnings, a focus, the enjoyment of a journey. A steadfast gaze, a hero defeats the dragon. The brothers journey, making things happen. Opportunities and fortunes come and go in a circle, allowing the transformation heralds joy. Happiness in memories, triumph in achievements, auspiciousness to come. My successes spur my generosity, creates a yearning to spread positive energy to others.

    Today is unusually brunchy and chirpy and unlike the general tone of all my reads. Are these even my cards?

    Happier than I thought to get a night of sleep in air conditioning. Terrible for my body, but really so gewdddssss. A sleepiness is covering my entire body.

    My aunt’s cat frightens me, strange bouncy meows in a cracking voice as he comes running to me for pats.

    Standing in a corner, hoping for data.