Archive for October, 2018

Learning upclose that abusers can speak the language of remorse and reform with little sincerity. Just read the longest post of confessional bullshit from a friend who abandoned yet another partner.

Appreciating more these days the few individuals with integrity and sincerity, which is more than a guilty conscience at the end of things.

I think some people actually do not know that integrity is more than a sport or public performance of ideals. Is all failure a given?

My trigger is unreliable people, but it’s also allowed me to spot a pattern amongst the unreliable — the toxic are the ones who will take your investment in them in what is supposed to be an equal partnership, but can walk away easily. Maybe pay it back in other forms, but maybe not reciprocity as a reliable partner, but also no issue in taking it.

Is the problem giving it?

I don’t think all relationships require reciprocity either. But I do think some people allow that reciprocity to be assumed as part of the package, even as they receive.

Maybe I should sleep. But it’s bugging me. And I’m watching yet another woman talk about the important and difficult lesson of learning forgiveness, while her partner performs exactly as the others in this pattern. I’m missing the language for what I’m seeing, but I know I dislike it, and something dishonest is going on here that I can’t verbalise.

Sometimes I think about how there’s only one (or two) male human rights lawyer here in Malaysia i trust.

I hope he never does the kind of things I know the others do. I think it would break my heart.