Yeah okay, I see now why I got The Tower. First steps into an adulting adulthood of working life. Also the first time I won’t be largely managing myself or a team. Instead, I’ll be the managed team.

I’m so excited about my first day of work, and worried I may not measure up. But I sure as hell intend to try, and the work looks interesting. I love that the approach is open to experimentation and evidence-based.

But it’s crunching so much data — I’m not sure if it’s the spreadsheets being spread out(?) or if it’s as much as it looks . I think I should strengthen that side of me part time. Level up. I am always fond of learning more and learning fast.

Onward, and upward.

The Tower

I’m a creature of anxiety and bruxism, but I’m lucky to have so many friends cheer me on for my first day of work 😭.

I asked my tarot deck repeatedly about this new job, and it repeatedly gave me The Tower. How not to be anxious?


Well, this won’t be the first time it’s happened over CNY πŸ˜€. And of course while I pms πŸ˜€. When else πŸ˜€.

I was in a bus when robbers boarded, I still fell asleep until a gun was pointed at my hip bone. Realised later that no money was taken because it wa in my pocket. Nur gave me a lift home but part of her car seats was left behind on the road.

I was working with a calendar with white text printed on white paper, in a language I couldn’t read. I internally panic over how I’m expected to work like this. (TC)

I had an illness. Jac’s dog has emptied out All his kibbles onto the ground, touching grass and fur and such. I ask her if I should get a new pack but she isnt worried – jabber has fruit rolls. She doesn’t want to describe them much because she thinks I will read them.

Jac has medals. I’ve never seen how one is worn before. The ribbon that is used is shaped like a collar.

I’m such a tropical child, there’s a part of me that can be presented with facts, and still fail to understand the experience of cold weather (Edinburgh 2014: 14Β°C? I can take 16Β°C temperature in aircond at home, no problem!).

I knew Taiwan would be cold, but I still packed a pair of shorts to sleep in. Because logic goes: when I’m in C’s house, I can’t just be in my underwear! And so I brought shorts that I now cannot wear around this house because it’s too goddamn cold. It seems so instinctively ridiculous to pack a pair of long pants to sleep in, even though I now rationally see I am a giant flaming bouquet of idiocy.

Everyone in this apartment wears thick gym (?) pants as part of their comfy pyjamas. To me, they look like they might break out some hip hop moves at any time. I guess it doesn’t help that I also don’t have pants like that anyway.

Thank god I pack a backup sarong every time I travel. Would have been warmer if I had gym pants.


Staying with a household of creative queer women, and it’s also a home bakery. It smells amazing 24/7 here. I walked for 12 hours today. Maybe 10, discounting the one hour we spent sitting in a cafe. Against the odds, I’m losing weight here.

It’s interesting to note the US and Japanese influences here, because so much of what I hear about is deimperialisation, and now I’m experiencing a sliver of how it’s embedded in so many aspects of life.

I just realised you’re doing what you’re doing because it’s the only way to make the rejection a mutual affair. WHY YOU SO GIRL. GDI.

30 days in 7 days.

Dinner with B last night. Received news that my position in her festival was refused because I’m “too political”, whatever that means. I always thought the hill I would die on was being too gay and too out, I didn’t realise I was political, much less enough to be deemed too much of it. Shame, but *shrug*.

She got into mentor mode and gave me such a long list of recommendations for Taiwan. Everything is amazing and awesome and the best and absolutely essential to my trip. She loved it during her one-month residency and she’s certain I’ll find the same love for Taiwan in the seven days I’ll be there. It’s the most enlightened people on earth, she said. Wept at the airport when I left, she said. I believe her, she’s never been this particularly enthused about any place I go to.

Was instructed by her to download (and use) Tinder in Taiwan, and in the same breath cried β€œIf you meet a Taiwanese girl that you like, then finish, we’re going to lose you to Taiwan!” Interesting that her instincts are telling her to panic about my love life before I’ve even flown to the country, she is the only one πŸ˜’

I guess now I have seven days to become a legal lesbian in Taiwan, fall in love with a Taiwanese girl, get legal married, migrate, and disappear from Malaysia forever. Just a trip full of love and migration.

It’s okay. I hear they have beef noodles in Taiwan. Can lah kot.

Met PG and JJ after dinner for drinks. I love my friends. Every time I lean on my friends I don’t know how I ended up with such good company.

Facebook’s new policy for Pages is balls. They say they’re prioritising posts from family and friends for their audience, and thus Page views will suffer.

What is understood by social media managers is, this means more cost, just to reach the audience they have built. FB doesn’t care that an NGO or a cause doesn’t have the same reach as KFC. At most, you get some free ad credits, and then you’re sent out on the same capitalist battlefield as corporations with a media budget that outranks your entire operations budget for the year.

I was talking with another comms person about The Problem That Is Facebook. My observation is, Twitter is making it easier to participate on their platform. The ability to thread tweets before hand, removing the character limit from images, doubling tweet capacity, having a mostly chronological timeline. But tweets are ephemeral (so are FB posts, rly, if you’ve ever tried finding a post you put up months ago), and Moments aren’t adopted as readily.

Still, the effect of this is, social media managers are forced to pay more attention to Facebook. I don’t know if this is a conscious strategy (my bet) or a somehow unresearched and very natural consequence of FB policy. I see this most clearly with people who already have other duties and are suddenly told to also be “SM managers”.

Figuring out public FB Pages takes up too much mental resources: Trying to figure out how to craft posts that best reach the audience they have built but can not readily access — an audience that keeps changing as more come in. What makes a post reach 200 people as opposed to 2,000.

Companies without the resources to spend on a proper social media manager struggle with both platforms, and they usually choose FB. Likely because whoever has been signed up already has an active FB account. I think it’s the wrong choice. Twitter users are much more engaged, if your brand is suitable for it. It takes more time to build the audience, and in the long early stages, it can really feel like you’re making speeches in an empty room — but for socially engaged brands, that platform is more valuable. Unless you do videos. Then by all means, masuk FB too.

Neither platforms are transparent, and both are capitalist and extremely problematic, but FB is more readily a dystopia than twitter. Then again, Twitter is where the worst people also build their platforms. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Maybe we should all return to blogs and mailing lists.


My people

Day full of friends. Met JJ near home, then ended up going for Arab food with Yas in Curve.

I was supposed to go to Rimbun Dahan for Dancing in Place, a series I like. Especially since both Vivan Chai and Ren Xin would be performing, and I like seeing how their brains tick beyond just movement in performance (altho, not sure if they were choreographing as well).

I don’t know what the fuck was up though, I could get my GPS to point in every direction except Rimbun and its surrounding areas. After fifteen minutes of enraged futility, as it got more and more evident I would be late, I turned around on the highway and made my way in defeat back to the mall. What I lacked in cooperation from GPS, I think I more than made up for in parking good luck.

Yas suggested that maybe my bunian stalker interfered out of jealousy, because dahlah nak masuk another forest, to see two women dance lagi πŸ™„. Takkan kot?

Nina joined us for coffee, discussed commie/capitalist Malaysian cinas and the fallacies of self-selecting stories of success within diasporas, and then i got some scented candles from Ikea. The crowd was total hell, but it made me grateful parking had been easy/immediate both times (despite JJ’s scepticism).

Went back to meet JJ for a drink. Talked about my inclusive club of exes and her stubbornness with normative statements (which she blatantly denies) and she said I want the same deck of tarot cards because Taureans dislike change and I’m being typically Taurean (which I blatantly deny, but only in my heart and not out loud because I’m not getting into a disagreement about this statement even if it’s based on horoscopes). Then headed to KL for an impromptu vegan dinner with Nine and Al.

Yuet Sum Hin was delicious — I’m going to bring vegetarian travellers there in the future. Not even vegetarian pun ok. Should bring the housemate. Om nom nom nom. I tried selling them on Vivan’s idea of boringness as an experience, and the sheer mind-numbing stupor of some of the activities. Al rly wasn’t impressed and couldn’t understand it, but I love the idea and exploration so very much. Al did a sneaky cina uncle thing and got the bill before I realised what was happening.

They came over to visit the cats, and Al tried to selfie with the cats who both rejected the idea. The cats were half aloof tonight, but when they left, Rolly cried, and then both cats inspected the entire front door area to investigate and make sure they were really gone because they couldn’t accept it. Tu lah, nak jual mahal when they’re here for what? My straight cat and her loser, Rolly. πŸ™„

And now I have a date with a book. What an excellent day off, bar my soreness for missing out on Dancing in Place. I suspect this will grate on me in a list of regrets forever. 😩 I still don’t know what was up with the GPS. What is with me and Rimbun, why always got halangan one.

But just as my GPS sial is countered by good parking luck, missing the show in Rimbun Dahan was balanced out with a lot of good company. And if I didn’t get to attend, at least I got to talk about why I wanted to attend (is that a positive idk).

Universe, if you’re listening, I’m open to just being constantly #blessed, tak perlu balance sangat, janji I will pandai bersyukur still.