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I feel so self conscious of how tiny my ears are. there’s so little real estate on top that after I wear my mask, my glasses just rest on top of its straps. Went for dinner at Sitka with J and CT and regret a bit mentioning it.

I know this is irrational, and I would never mind someone else’s tiny ears, but the feelings are the feelings.


Sitka was so noisy I had to make a valiant effort to be human. I couldn’t concentrate on anything between the music and loud conversation bouncing off the walls. I couldn’t think and struggled to visualise anything. Couldn’t focus on what was going on.

Maybe after covid I will no longer be capable of adapting to presences (maybe I will refresh this ability every Hungry Ghost fest).

Trying to get my less-than-one-month-old Samsung smart watch fixed at the centre: an ordeal.

  • Syazwan: we tested it and the watch works on our phones.
  • Me: are you giving me a Samsung phone?
  • S: it also works on the iPhones we tested
  • M: so it works on some phones some of the time?
  • S: because this watch can connect, but your phone cannot connect, it is not covered under warranty because it is not the watch.
  • M: (WOW THIS BULLSHIT lack of accountability??) oh I see. In that case, lend me your lighter. I will set the watch on fire and melt it here between us, since that’s all the value it has to me.

He got really stressed and disappeared for a while and came back and said they would be replacing my watch with a new one. Then he said they feared the new watch may also spoil the same way, and I said that was my worry too (but for as long as the warranty is shining new, it’s not my problem yet).

He had earlier said it was common for iPhone users to have issues with the watch. That is, until it was time to wave the claim at me that their iPhone could connect to it.

PT wants to train thrice this week. 😬

Bell is going to be working with my favourite choreographer! Can’t believe I forgot to say so at dinner.

Nearly an hour into a book on civil resistance and they’re still introducing the reader to what the book will be about, and what it does not intend to do. Nerds are the worst, ffs.

It is way too early for my period to arrive yet again, but my boobs were so sore when I took off my bra. I wonder if others ever get the same with tight undies and testicles.

Went to PR’s house for duck and mahjong. The duck tasted very Ipohey old school, reminded me of Yong Wai, which is nice. But it did make me miss Perak food more. I didn’t take much rice which made PR think it’s a diet thing like 👀. Even though I ate constantly all night 👀👀👀.

Tried to find my lost uniqlo boxers, which really weren’t so cheap for me to misplace like this. I could ask the housemates but honesty, if they’ve already worn it, no point. Sigh. I’m so annoyed.

I arranged my clothes storage. Up to 7 drawers for clothes now instead of 6, since I bought the shirts when Bella took me shopping. Shopping with fashion producer is bahaya, the vibe passes.

It’s hungry ghost month now. It announced its arrival with things falling off my shelf yesterday. Dah start dah. There was also a presence going around PR’s house but 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️. I don’t think I’m truly safe anywhere but def around the Kota Damansara vicinity is a no no.

I think I’m going to die waiting for my online deliveries to arrive. How do people contain this expectation? I cannot. My body feels too small to hold this anticipation and too vast to be so empty. I’m counting the days until it’s expected delivery, which is probably not gonna be on the first day promised. Oh god. Oh god oh god.

I can’t stop thinking aloud or singing to myself anymore. I’m so not used to company. I guess it’s a good thing I’m only hanging out with ppl who already know me well.

I was sleeping with this woman with a voluptuous body and really cool personality. We discovered we both love musicals the most, and we like the Lion King cartoon.

We were trying to decide if we should keep meeting up by using tarot. Her husband, whom I’ve known longer than her, came in at the end of the last few cards, when she was muttering it would be difficult to maintain the course the cards pointed out. We pulled an Ace of Pentacles which heartened me. Then I pulled a Hanged Man Card. We both grimaced but immediately said to each other the card does make sense though.

We chill on a couch together. She says she wants (?) and I layan go downstairs to get it. I walk through the market barefoot and in the dry portion it’s alright. Then the wet, gross. I see Qur at the table in the makan section. Makan section had interesting food. Mochi. Fancy but also super market type food. Since there is a party being hosted by AG, I wonder if the food here is also free for guests the way my grandpa used to do it. (Was in parts of his house in dream). Quri beckoned me over. She has some white stub in her lips. She asks if I have a lighter but I don’t. She has a kitten! She’s sending kittens to be rehomed but stopped here for a break.

I cut through the market and get to the shop. I (?) and then I head to the next shop (coke light?). I take the longer road back to avoid the market but halfway through I remember I bought a lighter in the second shop. I cut back into the market to meet Qur, handing her the lighter in exchange for one cigarette. PERFECT.

Head back to the woman I’m sleeping with.

“How you do anything is how you do everything”

Observed a movement workshop yesterday. Joey, the facilitator, proved to be astute; some participants whom she felt were ready were cracked open like a crab.

I don’t know if the quote above is useful or even true, but there are some insights into how we can conduct ourselves in general.

I think maybe the most useful thing I learned is that many people want to be cracked open like a crab and exposed (seen clearly and understood). Not everyone — and it helps to be able to discern the difference.

Gears in motion

Something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now: rethink how I publish. Set my old posts to Private.

I want some time to rearrange all my posts, recategorise, re-tag, and maybe edit the theme. Definitely clean up the media library. I’m also considering a tiny newsletter for friends who want updates.

Let me know if you’d prefer a newsletter instead of a blog? If you’d prefer not to comment publicly, drop me a text. I’m the world’s worst at responding, but I’ll get around to it.

New posts will still be public, but I think I’ll change the privacy setting when I move on to the next post so only one remains live at any time.

It feels good to be getting things done. It’s been a long time coming. Password issues, yknow.

Recently updated my privacy policy. Migrated my (minimal) data tracking to Matomo (a little fuck-you to Google Analytics, basically). You can opt-out if you want by going to the Page.

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