Moment of realisation: concerns/opinions were essentially negging to lower my confidence and make me seek approval in other ways. What enrages me is this was probably learned from some stupid book. Fuck this lah.

I am 100% uncoordinated.

  • Nish: Omg you’re like a puppy still learning to walk. God put all your mana in your brains ah
  • Me: god only gave me mana for brains and boobs, and then sent me out there.

Watched Venus in Fur. Tripped walking up the stairs because didn’t have the skills to make my feet repeatedly climb the same height of steps. Bruised both legs.

HOKAY

Feeling anxious. Drew a card. “You are trapped in a pool of anxiety” 😂🤷🏻‍♂️

I just drew the last ace, but for someone else. And the ace cups again. I def shuffled. Wonder what the odds are.

Forehead tingling. Invisible cat jumped on my bed. No more midnight tarot.

Routine

When we met at midnight, she said I must have treated myself earlier. ‘How you know? Y told you,’ I decided, and she said no.

Now 😀

Three aces in the last four cards.

Pentacles, wands, cups.

As draws go, this is great.

The ex-housemate partner is back. I forgot to ask them their gender and now I’m 90% probably gonna misgender them at some point 😀. Possibly in front of their partner 😀. Shame tak jadi hear their voice break.

Big catch up on Hungary and Vienna and visas and diabetes and medications. Maybe 30s catching up includes swapping medical records.

Face-beard.

I kinda would dig being a bearded lady.

Nice arty outing today. Found Zakariya’s poetry transferred onto a white-on-white idea. Ooh, so art.

Found myself with a Langkasuka cookbook. Not my first Ise title, I don’t know why I do this.

Made mashed potatoes mixed with plenty of other veg and herbs and squash and Tabasco and furikake and mash and Iberico ham fat. Started with a stamppot upon Jo-Lene’s recommendation and just kept adding spice to it. Looks like my carbs are settled for a week.

I can’t believe I even do partial meal plans now.

Getting close to the anniversary of me making my bed! And that big talk with J.

I think she came into my life at just the right time. I think that’s what she does. Comes in, heals, heads to the next.

I think I have more to show from it than just a neater bed.

Got my two months notice. I need to set up a calendar of how this is gonna work so moving this time doesn’t kill me.

Not sure what to do with this offer of power. I should look at this from other perspectives too.

Week 3. First campaign done and dusted. Budget and time to spare. Can this be my baseline, or is that too ambitious?

“I am marginalised and I am needy!”

Thilaga sponsored a tagline for me after our conversation with Juans about femininity and neediness 😂